You're right, of course. What was I thinking? 8-)

Adrian

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I've grown used to it. Many people on LJ come to those moments when they've added two many friends, and they find themselves spending too much time catching up on their friends lists. For some, I think the problem appears to be one of having to many people on their friends lists. When I get dropped, it's is usually when people announce that they are trimming their friends lists because of the amount of time it's taking them to keep up. They often list not posting frequently as one of the reasons they might drop someone. If I keep them on my friends list, some of them seem to drop me, and add me back, and drop me, and add me back, repeatedly. Ironically, when they look for people to drop, I think they probably choose me, in some cases, because I don't post often, even though their motive for cleaning up their friends lists is to cut down on the time they spend keeping up with their friends lists. There are those people who drop me for other reasons, but for those who go through this cycle of dropping me during friends list cleanups and adding me back later, I can't think of any other mechanism to explain it. It's kind of fascinating to watch the various things people do on LJ.

I try not to take it personally, when people drop me. Sometimes I really wish LJ hadn't chosen the term "Friends List", because it encourages people to take these decisions about what to read personally. But in a sense, LJ is something of a collection of online communities. I do make some decisions about whom to add and drop based more on that sense of community than a simple interest in what people write in their journals. I suppose a feel a slight pang of regret at seeing people drop me, but if their journals are still interesting, I often keep them on my friends lists. Aside from this sense of community, LJ is an excellent way to get exposed to many different points of view, and I don't want that process limited to those writers who also want to read my journal. I want to read about some points of view that have little in common with mine.

So, I can't say I feel nothing when people drop me, but I do try to keep from letting it influence me too much.

Adrian

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Ehn, sounds like someone who isn't very secure in their standing and gets too upset when others disagree.

Better off de-friended, if you ask me.

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Right. You might do something horrible like, say, expose her to an opposing viewpoint.

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And a heretic such as myself should never be allowed to do that. 8-)

Adrian

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In that particular case, I think you're right. When I write about politics, I do want to have that sense that people who don't agree with me may read what I write. I don't like the echo chambers that arise when various factions spend all their time talking only to people who agree with them. Thinking about how to write things that appeal to people with other points of view probably makes my writing better.

But in the case of this particular user, this sense that I couldn't anticipate what might offend her meant she really wasn't helping me.

Adrian

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Sometimes I just don't know what to make of people.

People are strange, Adrian, people are strange. I don't quite know why we're still surprised when someone makes choices that we just don't understand. You can't plan for it and you certainly don't have to like it.

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You can't plan for it and you certainly don't have to like it.

Indeed.

Adrian

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I try not to take anything on LJ too very personally because I'd be a basket case if I did. OTOH, there are some folks out there who have difficulty with differing opinions. I know, 'cos I have fallen into that category in the past and probably will in the future, on account of I'm a big dumb human. I've never let my personal feelings take me so far as to ban someone, though. I've only ever had to take someone off my friends list because they began flaming me in a very hostile manner. They even renamed their journal to "Tracy's Fat Ass" there for a while. When it gets that extreme, measures must be taken but, if it's only a difference in opinion.....really....can't we all just get along?

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There are those people who have opinions that show a truly profound lack of insight (like those people who think MS Windows is better than Linux), but for the most part, I agree with you. It really doesn't make sense to take most things personally. The journal renaming incident was clearly personal, and I'd have distanced myself from that person, too. People really ought to try to be more tolerant of simple disagreements.

Adrian

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